My Eldest Sister

All soul's day is coming up and I am obliged to go home to lit a candle for my older sister, Marietta. Don't get me wrong, I loved her and I want to be there for her but every time I see her gravestone, it makes me wonder why she left me so early and everyday since she was gone, I miss her more and more. She was just 15 years old when she passed away. She died at the Heart Center in Quezon City because of enlargement of the heart. That day, August 10,1990, she was scheduled for her monthly check up. She was with my father (my mom was in Kuwait at that time working for a cargo company). They were discharged because according to the doctor my sister was okay to go but the moment they left the cardiologist's clinic, she passed out and never gained consciousness again. She died in peace. Not even the experts at Heart Center could save her.

It was another dilemma that we had to face that time. My mom got stucked somewhere in the middle east because of Gulf war. She left without knowing that my sister was diagnosed with a heart ailment and she was about to know that her first born wouldn't be there when she gets home. The most pressing issue that time was how to contact her. All lines of communications were cut off because of the war. I remember everybody from my family trying their hardest to contact her but to no avail.

The wake lasted more than it should. I knew everybody was secretly hoping that my mom will make it. At least, she would still see her lying there, she will still see her body. After almost 3 weeks, the remains of my sister cannot take any longer, everybody knew we have to bury her already. On our way to the cemetary, we heard the bad news over the car radio that my mom was among the fatalities of war. It was heart breaking. As a child, I couldn't really understand why everything has to happen. In a heart beat, my family especially my dad was crushed.

After the funeral, there was no other way but to move on. We still haven't heard about my mom or her body. On the 40^th day since my sister died, everybody including neighbors gathered around the house and prayed for her soul. It was though I saw a dramatic scene from a movie when my mom came rushing, crying and confused looking for her first born. Apparently, somebody who knew her told her about what happened even before she talked to any of us. She was in disbelief. Well, who wouldn't be? I thought she was going to snapped. It took several hours before we were able to talk to her. And then she asked if we can all take her to my sister's grave. We did.. and you can probably picture her crying like crazy while he was pounding at the gravestone.

It's been 17 years since this happened but every time we talk about it, it still makes me cry.